I Must Have Loved You A Lot
by xErraticx
Summary: "I must have loved you a lot." "You did." My voice catches and I pretend to cough. -A series of one shots of various favorite pairings from the Hunger Games trilogy
1. Annie & Finnick: Breathing Gets Harder

**Annie Cresta &**  
><strong>Finnick Odair<strong>

**Note: This takes place at the District 4 Reaping for the 75th Hunger Games (Quarter Quell),**  
><strong>and it's basically what is going on in Annies mindset. It's pretty short, go ahead, read :3<strong>

**_Annie Cresta ~ Reaped the Second Time_**

Finnick doesn't let go of my hand.

My hand is moist with sweat and slipping but he manages to grasp on to it. He doesn't find it gross or anything. Most guys would.

But, as I have known previously...Finnick is not '_most guys_.'

We walk down to the city square silently, my head resting on his shoulder as our slow steps trudge in the dirt. No need to rush. We're only heading to possible death. Who. Cares. Whats the point?  
>What is the point of anything anymore?<br>If I could, I would live in a Utopia with Finnick. It sounds stupid, but I would.  
>It would be nice to get rid of these nightmares. Crying in the middle of the night. Often screaming. The ones I love dead. Finnick left. I close my eyes and let him guide me. I'll always trust Finnick. I know nothing will ever hurt me when he's around.<p>

Our feet are covered in sand that sticks to us, we just got back from the ocean, dangling our feet from the dock and just talking. We talked about our marriage. We talked about our future. I said I'd love to have a baby. He said he agreed, but not now, not here. Not when theres the risk, of death in your youth.  
>We talked, as if nothing bad was going to happen, as if the Capitol wasn't issuing the Quarter Quell.<br>As if life was as normal as it could ever be for me, the deemed mentaly unstable, And Finnick, the forced-on poster boy for sex in the Capitol. My Finnick, being jostled around by the Capitol, the president. They had no right to take advantage of Finnick that way, completely obliterating his human rights. But then again,  
>Mr. President Snow here seems to have thrown that part of the Constitution completely out of bearings, a long time ago.<p>

Despite me being mentally unstable, I was very sure with 2 things in my life.  
>The only 2 things in my life that I was sure of, nothing else.<br>One, I loved Finnick with all my heart and he loved me.  
>Two. I hated President Snow. And me, really not prone to the idea of someone dieing, that sounding weird considering I won the Hunger Games. But I believe it in my heart, that Panem would be a better place without President Snow around. Meaning death.<p>

As if there wasn't a possibility that we could be plunged into the games yet again, a second time. And die.

I would die. I have no strength, no wits at this moment in my life. I talk in the dark to dead tributes. I talked to them all last night. Which resulted in nightmares and screaming.

Of course.

I can't think about it.

Whenever I think about it I stop breathing. Things cloud around my vision and I have to suppress screams. Just stop thinking.

Stop thinking. Please. Please. Just stop. Thinking.

I groan loudly and have to open my eyes to remind myself that I'm not in the 70th Hunger Games anymore.

And he didn't use that ax to behead...

I collapse to the ground, my elbows hitting hard, we're near the city square now and I can just barely make out the roped off sections for the previous victors...we're supposed to be IMMUNE. We're supposed to not have to go back in the games, I thought winning meant IMMUNITY.

Winning meant fame and fortune, immunity, but although you were physically free.

You were never emotionally free.

They take that right away from you in the arena.

I clench my fist into my mouth, and bite down. "Annie, Annie." Finnick murmurs, he lets me stay on the ground and his arms wrap around my prone figure and he hushes into my ear.

I'm hyperventilating and I can't stop shaking.

I try to stop this but it's no good, once I start shaking, all you can do is wait for it to be over.

I wait.

"I'm sorry..listen I'm sorry. I have to get up. I'm sorry. I'm sorry." I mutter trying to get up but my balance is off. But Finnick helps me.

I lose myself in his green eyes. These are the only things I need to see right now. I'll just look at these. They're so. Beautiful. Pure.

"Annie. It's okay. Take as long as you like. And," He holds my hand tightly.

I'm searching his face and I know some people are staring but I really dont care.

"I'm always here and never going to leave."

I smile. My smiles are always rare in public, but with Finnick, I smile all the time. No such thing as sadness.

It doesn't exist.

He leads me into the female roped off section, and whispers 'I love you', and tenderly kisses me on the cheek. I could never get tired of his kisses..  
>And his hand lets go. He stands in the male victor section and as soon as he gets there his eyes travel back to me. I hold my own hand with my own, and wish Finnicks was there to occupy it.<br>I stare at the ground because I'm utterly confused.  
>How can Finnick be so sure? He seems sure. But maybe hes not.<br>Sure that he's not going to be reaped?  
>That I'm not going to be reaped?<p>

I can't even imagine going back into the arena..and my shaking rekindles..

"Annie Cresta."

The words echo off in my head, reverberating across the caves of my skull. But before I have time to even process this new, sick information-

"I volunteer!" Mags. Mags.

Mags?

Old, old, Mags. She volunteered. For me. Wait. What. The arena. Shes going back. In the arena.

In my place.

"Wha-" I murmur but she's already mounting the stage, her frail old body coming to stand boldy.

I stare after her. I skimmed death because of this lady. Mags. Mags, beautiful, calm, lovely, Mags, the savior of my life. My breathing is still rapid. Why wont it calm down? I should be relieved,  
>shouldn't I? But I still cannot stop shaking.<p>

Why can't I stop shaking?

"Finnick Odair."

And then all peacefullness and the little calm I had left in me (which believe me wasn't too much) , undisturbed, broke lose. It was like a dam ready to explode under pressure, my fragile being set lose. NO.  
>Nothing registers in my brain anymore. I'm numb. So numb. I need something to knock me out, a pill, or an injection, feelings just don't work with me anymore..<p>

I fight screams. I clench my fists and cover my ears and close my eyes and block out all the remaining senses and bite my tongue i can't scream not to give Snow satisfaction why would i ever and someone grips me from behind because I must have fallen or fainted or tripped and everything becomes blurry but i do register one thing

Finnick. He's going to come back. He will. He has too.

I can't bear to watch the one I love die.

**Thankyou for reading, and reviews please? Tell me what you think, constructive critisism is welcomed.**  
><strong>Also, toward the end there, the huge runon sentence is obviously not gramatically correct :P but It's whats going on in Annies brain, and everything is so tangled she can't even process it.<strong>

**THANKYOU :)**  
><strong>And a new chapter will be up soon!<strong>


	2. Cato & Clove: The Last Cry

Note: This takes place right before Clove is killed by Thresh in the 74th Hunger Games and what is going on in her mind.

Clove & Cato~The Last Cry

Everything is crystal clear, but it comes to me in loads, coming too fast and I cannot process anything to think logically. I register Katniss running away, and a mass of heavy hate builds up inside of me and I want to scream.  
>How is Thresh letting her get away? What did she say, what did she do?<p>

I scream for Cato. I scream for him in distraught but only the wind hears.

Although, I can make out one thing that is as clear as day.  
>I'm going to die at the hands of Thresh. Tonight. I savor my breath but his hands on me are too huge and I'm too small and the smell of blood is all too familiar to me...but it's never been me, personally.<p>

I cannot die.

It's fast, you see his vengeance in his eyes, in his deamanor. It's the way he looks at me, as if I'm a piece of filth. And although I'm pleaing he has no ears for this.

"You killed her didn't you.." He grunts, and he saunters towards me, he is somewhat tense but he walks towards me like he knows.

He knows I will be easy to kill.

My hands are numb from holding them in fists, but my feet seem to be nailed to the ground and shaking.  
>Hyperventilating. I'm in distress. I cannot move.<p>

"Please..you have to understand.." I croak, in the final moments and he sends me to the ground with a push, and my head bangs against the rocks and I struggle upward and stand up shakily but I am frozen with fear.

"I DIDN'T KILL HER, I didn't and I swear, I SWEAR. Please." I plea, my shrieks echo off around the arena, I'm going to another part of the lists of deaths. I'm backing up slowly but he's closing in and I'm shaking too much to run and I am weaponless. Tonight. My voice is filled with desperation but he's grabbing a stone, no, it's more of a small boulder, but enough that it will kill me on impact..

I won't accept it. No. I cannot leave Cato.

We were supposed to win.  
>Together.<p>

But he is stopping me. He stands over me and his shadow overcomes me, this boy, no. This man. And in this instant i know-

I am done.

Cato. Cato. My last chance, and it's more than desperation in my voice now..

It's need. It's want. It contains love..the only love I have ever experienced for another person.

"Cato! CATO!" I blare, but nothings coming and Thresh's hand is descending upon my head and I can envision blackness, and the faint canon sound goes off, and my hands go limp and I fall blatantly.

Nothing can help me now.

"CLOVE-" Thats his voice. The boy I love. So distant and desperate.

But I am past help now. He will cry over me. Because we were supposed to win together.  
> <p>


	3. Prim & Rory: Blinding

**~Prim Everdeen & Rory Hawthorne: Blinding~**

I was treating a patient with my mother. I couldn't focus though, I kept flitting between reality and my daydreams..it went fuzzy and I started to think...

The war has forced me to grow up quickly. My childhood had been fleeting.

It only seems like a couple days ago when Katniss was tucking my ducktail,  
>as that loose dress had hung on my skin and bones like a rag. I was very naive then. Not saying I'm not now..but a lot has changed. I have seen more death..people that are very close to me have died.<p>

I mean, people that I hardly knew on the Hunger Games shook me up, I had gotten close to them over the Games, and to see them die like that..

But no. These were people I was close to, people I loved. Katniss liked to shield me from these certain nightmares.  
>But the whole world's not big enough to shield me from anything anymore.<p>

Death is _everywhere_.  
>No avoiding the truth here, am I not correct?<p>

I'm older now, wiser in features. I see more than I did. I understand more.  
>I'm treating patients now, along side my mother. I do not faint at the sight of blood anymore.<br>Infact, I am familiar with it's stench. It is like an old enemy that I put up with.  
>And one learns not to cry for the dead anymore.<p>

Tears have been replaced with coldness. Tears seem to have lost their satisfaction.

Hello, fancy meeting you. I'm Prim. A different Prim. _Numb, callous, Prim._

Rory comes in every night though. His presence to me is like a therapy. I dont think he seems to understand how vital he is to my wellbeing. We stay up for hours talking, sipping hot chocolate that he steals from the kitchen. He's very resourceful in this way.

We sit on my bed and we talk as if there wasn't a raging war going on. My mom doesn't get bothered because usually she's in treating patients way into the night. I usually would be with her but instead she forces me down to get a healthy sleep in.

Only I dont really sleep..  
>With Rory, I'm anything but tired. If anything, he makes me alive. I laugh.<p>

I usually _never_ laugh anymore.

War has turned me hard and very serious, seeing my sister in pain and madness. My stressed out mother. Everything just seems to pile up.

Rory has changed too. We, us, we're in the same boat here. We've been forced to grow older, grow wiser. I've noticed he talks with more articulation, his words are deep. He's good with words, like Peeta. Although he's a natural jokester, he has become more serious. He knows the reality behind Panem now, we all do.

He's also gotten very muscular too, I've noticed this as well. Which I have to say, is quite attractive, but you didn't hear anything from me.

And just last night, Rory gave me my first kiss. I can't stop thinking about it.  
>I know I'm too young for this stuff, but all I know is even the smallest of gestures made me stay awake for hours, but I could not help it. I just couldn't stop the smiles.<p>

It just wasn't possible. I swear I smiled through on into sleep, and all my dreams contained him and everything was just a utopia of happiness. You know..when this war sometime ends..and when we are old..and hopefully,  
>I think bitterly to myself, still alive. I'd really like Rory to still be my friend.<br>Or, if it comes down to it, more than a friend. But hey, whatever happens happens. But, if I'm correct, I'm pretty sure him kissing me makes us more than friends...  
>But what do I know? I'm only thirteen.<br>But that would be nice, you know? The war ending?

Me and Rory, together, maybe?

But I know not to hope too much.

Me and Rory going back to being kids. Well, we're almost teenagers. Wouldn't that be nice though..I can't help but to smile...

"-PRIMROSE!" I'm brought out of my daydreams and thinking very quickly.  
>My mother is scolding me, no, she's definitely yelling. Really. Loud.<p>

"What? What!" I hastily grab whatever she had been yelling for and our poor patient cries out in agony over the pain he is experiencing. I shake my head trying to clear my thoughts but they're still fuzzy from all my daydreaming and I inwardly scold myself.

Daydreaming while treating a patient? Are you mad, Prim? Damnit Prim!  
>Please focus there is a humans life at stake!<br>I am disgusted by my actions and I try to make up for them, I scramble for the supplies my mom is urgently asking for.

"No...no.." My mom is doing some quick movements with her hand and motions for a needle and thread.

"Come on Prim now, please get with it. Focus _PLEASE_." My mom chides me.  
>She looks determined and her eyes are narrowed in concentration.<br>We both notice how the blood flow is increasing rapidly and the bed our patient is on is nothing but crimson red, all over, completely drenched in blood. It began as white.

"Too much blood," I comment and my eyebrows go stiff and then his hands limp and fall off his belly where they were laying. My mom stops and the object in her hands falls to the ground with a clang. She leans over massaging her temples as if she has a horrible headache. Which is probably the truth.

"Dead." She pronounces. "I failed."

She stays there, unmoving in that same hunched position of defeat.

"We did everything we could." I croak to her, in comfort.

My life will never be a utopia with Rory, what was I thinking. Not with Snow around, not now, not ever while he is still in power and the Games are still in reign.  
>Cold harsh reality fills my brain. Stupid girl, I am. Stupid, stupid, foolish girl.<p>

No more dreaming.

****

**Note: Alright so this chapter was super enjoyable to write! I named the chapter after 'Blinding- By Florence and the Machine.' Very good song, and if you look up the lyrics it relates to this one shot.**  
><strong>If you have any suggestions for future pairs, dont be shy.<strong>  
><strong>Frankly, it's really hard to concentrate on the Hunger Games though xD I saw Deathly Hallows PT. 2 yesterday and me fangirling has been the only thing on my mind lately :p If you haven't seen it yet, I highly recommend you watch it. Very intense stuff.<strong>

**Okay enough of my gabble. Tell me what you think and review! Thankyou!**


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